The Strong Urge to Walk Away

Have you ever had those days where the need to just leave becomes overwhelming? To let go of everything that ties you down, even if it’s just for a moment, and find some air away from the people and places that seem to drain the life out of you? I have. Many times, actually. And each time, the urge feels even stronger.

Ever since my early 20s, I’ve longed for independence, and not just in a casual way. I’ve needed it, deeply and desperately. My mother and I had numerous arguments about it – my yearning to live on my own and her insistence on staying close. We reached an agreement, and she promised I could go off on my own by the age of 25. I was determined, so I bought my own condo, feeling a mixture of freedom and pride in carving out my own space. But when the time came, things didn’t go as planned. My mom joined me, leaving her own home to live with me in my new space. Although she gave me some room, I was never truly alone.

I poured myself into my work, juggling seven different jobs at one point. I thought if I could stay busy enough, the need for freedom would settle. But it didn’t. Instead, I found myself more exhausted than ever. I hit a breaking point, feeling mentally and emotionally burned out. The weight of those days triggered dark thoughts, ones I hadn’t anticipated and couldn’t shake off. I began questioning everything – my choices, my relationships, and the freedom that seemed to slip further away each time I tried to reach for it.

Today, I still wrestle with these feelings. The urge to walk away, to step out of the life I feel confined in, never truly fades. Sometimes I think about leaving everything behind, taking a walk until my legs give out, or finding a place to sleep under the stars where no one knows me. It’s not that I don’t care for the people around me; I do. But I also need space to breathe, to grow, and to be my own person. That space, it seems, is always just out of reach.

It’s hard to balance the desire for freedom with the ties of responsibility and expectation. I’ve tried to make sense of it, tried to find ways to create small pockets of independence in my life, yet that underlying feeling remains: a yearning for a life that’s truly mine.

For those of you who feel the same pull, know that you’re not alone. The urge to walk away, to let go of the weight of other people’s expectations and just exist for yourself, is a powerful one. And maybe, in small steps or big ones, we’ll eventually find the freedom we’re looking for – a place where we don’t feel trapped, and where we can finally be at peace with who we are and where we are. Until then, we keep walking forward, hoping that someday, we’ll get there.