Trusting God’s Process Even When I Don’t Know the Plan

I’ll be honest: I’ve never really considered myself super religious.
Sure, I pray, mostly when I need help. I used to go to church more regularly, and I’ve read some religious books (though, not the Bible in full). But deep inside me, there’s always been this question that never seems to go away:
“God, what is Your plan for me?”

I’ve been working for seven years now. That’s seven years of learning, growing, building a career, and meeting amazing people. I’ve had opportunities I’m truly thankful for. I’ve gained friendships I never imagined, tackled challenges I didn’t think I could handle, and pushed myself out of comfort zones more than once.

But… here I am. About to turn 30. And if I’m being completely honest, I feel lost.

Not in a dramatic, falling-apart kind of way. More like a quiet, lingering emptiness that creeps in during the in-between moments, while working, while scrolling mindlessly at night, or staring at the ceiling after a long day. It’s this dull ache of wondering:

Is this it? Am I on the right path? Is this what You want for me, God?

I’ve tried to escape it. I took vacations thinking maybe I just needed a break, a reset. I tried chasing small goals to distract myself. But when the dust settles, the feeling is still there. Like I’m living on autopilot. Working just to survive. Floating through days.

And it makes me feel guilty sometimes because I know I should be grateful. I am grateful. I really am.

But I’m also human. And right now, I’m just really, really tired of not knowing.

Lately, I’ve been praying more. Not just the “God, please fix this” kind of prayers but the quiet, teary-eyed ones. The “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I trust You” kind. The ones where I sit in silence, hoping for some kind of sign.

And here’s the hard part I’m learning:
Sometimes, God’s answer is not “yes” or “no.” Sometimes, it’s “wait.”
And waiting? Waiting is hard.

It’s uncomfortable not having clarity. It’s painful watching others reach milestones, buying homes, getting married, having kids, building businesses, while I’m still just trying to figure out what I truly want. But maybe, just maybe, this uncertainty is part of His plan.
Maybe I’m not being left behind.
Maybe I’m being held back for something better.

Because despite everything, something in me still believes there’s a purpose behind this pause. A lesson behind the longing.
And even if I don’t have the answers right now, I’m choosing to trust that He does.

I don’t know where this road is leading. I don’t know if the things I’ve been working on are preparing me for something bigger or simply teaching me how to hold on through seasons of silence.

But I’m here.
I’m waiting.
I’m trusting.

And maybe that’s enough for today.